His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
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