Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
