On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
