if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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