You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
