Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Found the puke drawer
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
