If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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