I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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