I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
