But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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