I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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