Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize