Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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