I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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