Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
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