I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
