Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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