I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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