i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
