4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
