Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
