im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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