He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I did not marry a roomba.
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