She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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