Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
