So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
