We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
