you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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