I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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