3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just pynch a tree in the face
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
