he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
