I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
