You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
