So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
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