I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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