I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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