I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
