what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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