oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
oh god the rape fog is back!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
