I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
