we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
