theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Are we still banned from the library?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
