You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
