I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
