why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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