his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
