what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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