i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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