Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
