can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
