I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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