I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
