some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
