So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
