He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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