problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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