You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
