Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
