im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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