Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
