This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
