New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
