he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
