Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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