Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
