Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
