I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
