even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
