he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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