i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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