Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
