dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
