Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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