Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
so much tequila, so little girl.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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